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If you’re a lady then maybe face the other way on all fours so you’re not looking at the camera and I can see your bum and fanny-- I mean so your partner can see your bum and fanny. When you’re doing cybersex and you don’t have a microphone, you’re going to need to type while you’re getting yourself off, so practice typing one-handed while masturbating in your free time, for instance at work or on the train or while babysitting or identifying a loved one. Remember it isn’t just you that wants to come to a shuddering climax, it’s also the person you’re looking directly at, or several people on Mumsnet. Type hot things like “Mmm I’m touching my penis with my hand” (vagina if you’re a girl) and “do you want me to make my tummy banana make sticky milk? Other people in the library are going to need that keyboard, so for heavens sake make sure you have a wet wipe handy (KFC do excellent ones, and they’re cheap too! If you’re a girl you probably don’t have this problem, unless you’re like one of the women I saw on a video once, which was like watching a fire hose going off except the fire hose was between her legs and made of minge.
If you’re a lady, you could invest in one of those things that disabled people attach to their heads to type that makes them look like spazzy chickens. ” and “ah Christ sorry there’s someone at the door, I think it’s the fella from the council about the noise, we had a party the other night and it got a bit messy, a man actually overdosed in the kitchen on something and we didn’t find him for a week lol, brb , ;) ” 6.
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