Dating guys who have children
You can’t drive her out completely unless she’s lost all custody rights, and you shouldn’t want to.
That’s great for the kids, and realistically, that’s what they are supposed to do.Here's what I do know: If I was dating someone, I would NOT be satisfied spending "quality time" with him every other weekend. That would be the only way to truly get to know him and develop a relationship and I don't believe it's different for the parent-child relationship. Here's what I don't want: a crazy ex-wife who makes my life a living hell, kids who resent me for being with their father (and therefore taking time, money and attention away from them), a husband who can't say 'no' because of the guilt he feels for the marriage not working out... And I totally understand that these are in no way a "given" or absolute.It's probably even more exaggerated because kids (for the most part) yearn for their parents, no matter how crappy they are whereas an adult is more likely to make a decision to turn their attention elsewhere if their needs aren't being met. The only way though to guarantee that those things don't happen is to not marry someone who brings that with them. I had people say that I could be filtering out someone who is "perfect-perfect" for me simply by eliminating the guys with kids. But I don't believe that there is only one person on this planet for me. I'm fine with giving, providing, nurturing, but really deep down, I'm not good at sharing.I do not want my husband's time and attention to have to be divided up between our kids and "his kids." Everything would be divided: weeks, weekends, summer vacations, holidays, birthdays, and the list could go on and on... If he has kids, most likely he is paying child support.Remember, there are some guys who have never been married who have kids, and there are some guys who have never been married but have dated a lot of women with kids, so they might be used to being around kids. The ability to be domestic, in other words, can he play house? Although, how do I know he wasn’t madly in love and then dumped? A guy who has never done that could have a commitment issue. There are advantages and disadvantages to both guys.
There are also divorced guys who have never had kids. I find that a divorced guy, who has his own kids has a certain ease around children. He might end up really hitting it off with your kids. Is his breakup any less significant because he wasn’t legally hitched? Again, I’m not bashing the guy who has never been married. He could have always wanted to commit and just never found the right person. But the bottom line is, I shouldn’t be defining who someone is based on whether or not they have ever worn a wedding ring. Maybe divorced or never been married should be treated like a category, a checkbox, just like age group, gender, race or religion.
Many single dads will try to score a happy medium between the two of you.
However, there are a lot of single dads out there who can take this overboard and make you a constant #2 in their lives.
If you’re looking for someone who can cater to you 24/7, a single dad is not a good idea. Simply put, the mother of his child isn’t someone that will disappear anytime soon.
She’ll be involved in your guy’s life, if only just for the kids.
Kids can be great bonuses to meeting someone new and they can also be nightmares just as easily.